There are few things that are worse than that unique combination of emptiness, regret, and defeat that heartbreak provides. Not only does it absolutely suck, but it’s also almost unavoidable throughout the course of our romantic lives. Curing a broken heart is never easy, but this guide will put you on the right path to getting started.
1. Vent Your Feelings
When your heart gets broken, you’ll have an abundance of different feelings and thoughts. The first thing you should do is share these things; don’t keep them bottled up. Tell a few trusted friends about your problems, and vent out all those thoughts you might have. Having people available to support you will ultimately make things easier and less stressful. It may be hard to publicly talk about your issues at first, but it’s the best way to accept that it happened and to start moving on.
There’s no need to act brave and pretend things are okay when they aren’t.
2. Prepare Your Patience
Once you start the moving on process, you have to realize that things are going to take a long time to be better. Depending on the length of the relationship and your personal feelings, the recovery process may take weeks, months, and maybe even years.
I know what you’re thinking, and it’s the same thing that every other heartbroken person thinks. You don’t want to wait a long time to feel better, and perhaps there’s some magical solution out there that can fix things immediately. The problem is, there isn’t.
There is absolutely no piece of advice that you can read, or activity that you can do, that will instantly cure your heart.
Your relationship and your heart took time to build. Likewise, it’s going to take time to pick up the broken pieces and put them back together. Constantly trying to rush things with emotional bandages is only going to cause you frustration when they come apart. Be patient with each step of the journey, and take solace knowing that a long recovery time is perfectly normal.
3. Moving On Doesn’t Mean Forgetting
Perhaps the most common piece of heartbreak advice is to “move on.” Move on from that person who just broke your heart. Move on from your feelings. Everyone says it, but what does it actually mean?
A common misinterpretation of moving on is to forget—to not think of the person anymore and to completely get rid of any evidence that they existed in your life. Out of sight, out of mind. In theory this absolutely makes sense, but how practical is it actually? Not very.
There are some things that we just aren’t able to forget.
No matter how many photos we delete, memorabilia we throw away, and social media profiles we block, we can’t change the fact that the people that break our hearts were once responsible for building them. They were a significant part of our lives, and that’s something that can’t completely be forgotten. You’ll only cause yourself frustration by trying such an impossible task.
Don’t try erasing your memories. Embrace them instead. Learn from them.
Think about all the bad memories and mistakes that were in your relationship. You could try blocking out these moments, or you could make a promise to yourself to learn and never repeat them again.
Likewise, think about all the happy memories you’ve had. They happened, and they were great at the time that they did. Embrace them as part of your experiences, and use them as motivation for the future.
We don’t move on when we forget our old memories. We move on when we focus on making new ones that are better and brighter than ever before.
4. Give Yourself Closure With A Letter
Moving on is easier said than done of course, and it’s especially difficult when you don’t have closure. Depending on how the heartbreak occurred, you might have some things that you didn’t have a chance to say. When this occurs, try writing a letter.
It might seem silly, but get out a piece of paper or your computer, and just write out all your thoughts. Address it to the person that caused you pain, and speak from the heart. Tell them about your pain, regrets, memories, and feelings. Write as if you’re talking to them directly.
You’re not actually going to send them this letter, but doing this activity should help you get out all those pent up emotions. Leave everything on the table so you can move on to the next.
5. Be A Better Fisherman First
“There are plenty of fish in the sea” is perhaps the most cliche and eye-roll inducing piece of advice that heartbroken people often get. Yes, there are a lot of people out there that we can date, but real heartbreak occurs when we think we lost the “one.”
When we’re sad about that one person, all the other datable people don’t really seem to matter. They don’t have the same attributes and quirks that we fell in love with. There’s a giant ocean of fish, but we only want the one that’s seemingly irreplaceable. But here’s the thing:
The only person that’s actually irreplaceable in your life is you.
That guy or girl that broke your heart wasn’t with you from the beginning. There was a period of time before you met them where things were okay. The person that has always been there, and will be counting on you to get better, is you.
You’ll be able to fully move on from heartbreak when you find a new person to make greater memories with. But before you start looking, focus on yourself first. To catch a better fish, you have to be a better fisherman. It’ll be a while before you’re able to accept a new person into your heart. During that time, tackle those goals and dreams that have been on your mind. It doesn’t matter what it is—whether it’s learning how to cook, working out, or collecting stamps, just do it.
Strive to be a better person tomorrow than today. Love will find a way back to you somehow.