There’s something about attractive people that induces anxiety in many of us. The mere idea of conversing with one can sometimes cause our bodies to freeze up and our minds to go blank. Whether it’s a crush or just someone you’re eyeing from across the bar, the end result of these nerves is often the same; a missed opportunity.
Constantly missing the opportunities that come our way is no way to live. The only thing that we can’t get more of in life is time, and we’re wasting our time whenever we let our fear stop us. If you’re tired of worrying and you’re ready to start making moves, this is the guide for you.
Here are the steps that you can take in order to make love to the pressure in your next moment:
Consider the Situation and the Consequences
The first thing you should do is assess the situation that you’re actually in. Where are you, who is this, and why are you nervous? There are situations where it makes sense to be worried. If you’re interviewing with someone for your dream job, and the consequence is whether or not you’re able to afford rent next month, then sure it might make sense to be on edge.
But what if the situation was a more everyday scenario? Think about it. Does it really make sense to be nervous about talking to that random girl at the club? Is it really that big a deal to spark up a conversation with that cute Starbucks cashier?
In these situations, what is the worst realistic consequence that could happen if things go bad? You become embarrassed for a few minutes and then never see that person again? You have to change your daily Starbucks to the one across the street instead?
Whatever your scenario is, the worst consequence is hardly ever anything that’s actually that bad.
Realize That Everyone Poops
This is a straight up fact. Everyone poops. Everyone pees. Everyone gets hungry and everyone gets thirsty. No matter how someone looks, what their job is, or however else amazing they may seem, every person that you’ll ever meet is fundamentally just another human being.
We all started off the same way. We all pooped our pants at one point in our lives. We all went to school and struggled with our ABCs. There was a time for all of us when 5+5 was a difficult question.
Remember this the next time you get shook by someone else’s beauty. Realize that they started off the same way that you did. Yes, at some point in their lives, their genetics and life choices allowed them to physically develop into something that you find beautiful. That’s great, but that doesn’t make them something that you aren’t yourself.
Don’t put someone else on a pedestal, and treat them like they’re something or somebody that’s better than you. “They’re out of my league” is nonsense. We’re all human, and we all have our basic needs, wants, interests, and problems at the end of the day. Talk to that person you’re interested in, and find out what those things are. If they don’t want to tell you, or they incorrectly think they’re too special to do so, then so be it. On to the next. Don’t let anybody poop on your parade.
Ask Genuine Questions
After you get yourself into the right mindset with the steps above, you have to actually talk to people and develop that sense of comfort for yourself. I think one of the best ways to do this is to ask genuine questions.
One of my best friends in college used to go up to random girls and ask if they wanted to talk about career paths. Seriously. “Do you want to talk about career paths?” was his exact opening line. He would use it in all sorts of environments and situations. It was random, it was ridiculous, and it worked. Some of the time at least.
Opening your mouth, showing confidence, and saying anything at all is already half of the battle. This question allowed him to break that ice. But it also allowed him to go further because it was something that could spark a real genuine conversation and connection. It tapped into the fact that we’re all similar yet unique with our hopes and dreams.
There will be people that won’t be interested in talking to you regardless of what you ask. But for those that are open, asking real genuine questions is where it’s at. The more times you go out and ask questions, the more conversations you’ll end up having. The more conversations you have, the better you’ll get, and the more you’ll truly realize that talking to attractive people is nothing extraordinary.
Focus On Them, Not You
Adding on to the previous point, a common mistake is focusing too much on ourselves during conversations. It’s natural to worry about how we’re coming off to others. You may have concerns such as “I wonder what they think of me” or “Are my jokes funny right now?”
Here’s the thing. The more you focus and think about yourself, the more you’ll second guess your actions, and the more nervous you’ll be. Don’t consider conversations as a chance to showcase yourself and impress others. Instead, treat it as an opportunity to learn about the other person. Focus on what they’re talking about and the person that they are.
The question that you want answered shouldn’t be “Do they like me?”. It should be “Do I like them?”.
It’s Not Easy
You’re not going to be instantly 100% comfortable with talking to attractive people just because you read this post. And that’s okay. Overcoming your nerves is a journey, and no single article or piece of advice can instantly bring you to the finish line.
You’re going to have to go out there and practice. You will probably be rejected. You might get embarrassed. But if you really go for it and push through the setbacks, you’ll be able to truly realize that talking to attractive people isn’t a big deal.
Someone has to talk to them. Why not you?