Life Love

Changing Your Mindset About Rejection

Rejection.

It’s the ugliest word in dating, and it’s also the most paralyzing one for many of us. The mere threat of rejection is enough to stop even the most passionate feelings from turning into action. Being rejected can be embarrassing and disappointing, but it can also be a source of growth if you know how to handle it.

Here’s how you can change your mindset, and handle rejection like a champ instead of a chump:

Welcome Yourself To The Club

Did you get rejected recently? If so, welcome to the exclusive “been rejected” club that everyone else in the population is in!

Seriously. The first and most comforting thing about rejection is that everyone else has gone through it. It’s a reflection of how life is. Not everyone will like or appreciate you, and that’s okay. Rejection is a matter of when, not if, no matter who you are.

Think about all the people that you would never consider dating yourself. What’s wrong with them? It’s not as if you hate them, or think that they’re unworthy of being loved; they just aren’t the ones for you. We all have our own preferences, and ultimately not everyone can fit them. Of course the opposite applies to us in turn. It’s not personal. It is what it is. Accept your rejection club membership with pride, because everyone who has ever meant something has been in this club as well.

At Least You Were Able To Get Rejected

Being in the position to get rejected means you had the guts to put yourself out there, and the willingness to step outside of your comfort zone. A lot of people don’t have those things. There’s a lot of shook individuals who have never experienced rejection because they have never asked anyone out. They’re scared, and they’re letting that fear stop them.

At least if you get rejected, you’re pushing through and living life on your own terms.  It’s an end result that isn’t ideal, but it means you’re on the right path and journey.

Rejection Is Better Than Regret

The toughest questions in life start with “What if.”

“What if I took that chance?”  

“What if I asked that person out?” 

“What if I truly pushed myself to my limits?”

These questions are formed when we’re given difficult choices with unknown consequences, and we decide to choose comfort instead. Comfort often leads to regret, along with those unknown consequences remaining that way forever.

This can’t be stressed enough. The time that we have in this world is limited, and the opportunities that come our way are limited as well. Rejection hurts, I get it. But at least you’ll have your questions answered if you get rejected. If you never go for the opportunities that you truly want, your life will be filled with those “what if’s.”

You don’t want to be constantly thinking of the life you could have, instead of the one that you actually do.   

Keep Moving But Keep Your Emotions Honest

There are many different types of rejection. Being rejected by a close friend is a lot different, and perhaps painful, than some random turn-down at a bar for instance. Regardless of what the circumstances are, it’s important to be honest to yourself about how you feel.

Moving on is crucial, but you can’t do it at the expense of your emotions. If you’re going through some real pain, stop and handle that first. Don’t pretend like you’re invincible, and that rejection doesn’t faze you. You don’t have to say “it’s not a big deal” when it is. Rejection hits all of us in different ways, and there’s no true right or wrong way to feel about it.

Tackle those uncomfortable feelings head-on. Take some time off to feel sad or disappointed if you need it. Just make sure to come back stronger. Handle rejection like a champ by giving the next opportunity your very all.

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.”

– Lance Armstrong

Read more: The Definitive Guide On Dealing With Heartbreak

3 comments

  1. Hello Ronald, thank you for sharing your thoughts! I have been going through a very difficult time in my life because of my latest rejection two months ago. I met this boy through a mutual friend and thought we were hitting it off but when I asked him out on an official date, he made excuses about how busy he was with work. I was just asking for a movie and a dinner! Would that have been so difficult? Why would he reject me like this? I don’t really understand what I am supposed to do. I have asked out guys in the past, and this is my third rejection this year. Maybe it’s just not my year. I’m not sure if I can continue to ask go on like this, and am thinking I should stop asking guys out entirely. Should girls just wait for the guy to make a move? Thanks!

    1. Hey Evelyn, thanks for reading and for your comment! You’ve mentioned a lot of things so let me try to unpack things one by one.

      First off I think it’s great that you’re taking the initiative to ask out guys. The “societal norm” is for guys to ask and make the first move, which I think is quite ridiculous. I would personally love it if a girl had the confidence to ask me out, and I know a lot of other guys who would feel the same way.

      I know rejection feels bad, and it’s easy to want to go into “waiting mode” instead. But it reminds me of this quote:

      “Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.”

      If you stop asking guys out and just wait, I’m sure there’ll be somebody who’ll ask you out eventually. But who knows when that could be? It could be next week, or next month, or next year. I personally like taking imitative and living life on my own terms, even when things fall short sometimes.

      As for why that particular guy rejected you, I don’t know. Busy with work is almost always a bogus excuse, if somebody is interested, they will find time. Maybe he had somebody else that he was already interested in. Maybe he wasn’t attracted to you. I don’t know him and I don’t know you, so I don’t know for sure.

      But what I do know is that you can’t worry about things out of your control. If the reasons are his own circumstances or personal preferences, then that’s out of your control. Easier said than done, but try not to worry about things like that, and don’t blame yourself.

      Going forward I have two suggestions. Number 1, evaluate your own life first and see if there’s anything missing or lacking. Is there any area that you know you could improve in? You have to be a better fisherman first if you want to catch better fish.

      Number 2, maybe you could try smaller steps with your prospective guys. I think dinner and a movie is a perfectly fine date, but perhaps that could be too much for certain guys. Maybe they don’t want to pay the bill, or they don’t know you well enough to invest an entire evening. Again, I personally don’t think “an official date” such as this would be a problem for me, but I could see it maybe being a problem for others. Perhaps you could try asking guys out to smaller occasions instead, like going for coffee, or a quick lunch.

      I hope some of my thoughts will be of help. Best of luck Evelyn, and don’t let rejection get you too down! It happens to all of us I promise.

      1. Thank you Ronald, for such a caring response!!
        You addressed everything I was concerned about and I am so so grateful for it.
        I’ve decided to really work on being that better fisherman!
        Best of luck to you in everything you do and thanks again!

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