Confidence. You know this word is bound to come up in every single self-help book or website, and for good reason. Having confidence is the key to unlocking your potential in life, love life including. It’s a character trait that isn’t easy to develop, but worth the world when it is.
The basis of confidence is believing in yourself, and not caring what anyone else thinks. Their thoughts don’t affect you, because you know who you are at the end of the day. Of course, knowing the definition of confidence, and actually being confident are two vastly different things. The latter is much more difficult, and especially so when you’re faced with someone that you find really attractive.
We’ve all been there. We see an obscenely beautiful person, and we get shook. Their looks alone cause us to make assumptions about them:
“They’re so attractive, they must have a significant other already”
“They’re out of my league, they’re not going to be interested in talking to someone like me”
These assumptions stop us from taking meaningful action, and they’re also incredibly damaging to our confidence. Every time we assume such things, we’re placing the other person onto a pedestal, one that is above what we perceive for ourselves. We give their opinion a high value, because evidently they are someone special.
The key to overcoming this is realizing that maybe, just maybe, these people aren’t that special. Sure they might be drop dead gorgeous, but at the end of the day, they are merely another person just like you. They’re still somebody’s son or daughter, and they all peed and pooped their pants at some point in their lives. No matter how good they look, they still have to eat, sleep, hope, fear, and dream just like you do.
I truly realized this for myself during my first job out of college. I worked as a recruiter at a staffing agency. I was 22 years old, and I was given the responsibility of calling up people that were way older, and way richer than I was. I was wearing $20 dress shirts from Uniqlo, and I had Vice Presidents and Directors from big companies trusting me with their job search.
I was scared at first. It was like talking to a beautiful woman. The first time I called up a VP at a big investment bank, it felt like I was talking to someone that was out of my league. I was intimidated and I wasn’t confident, because I perceived myself as not even belonging in the conversation.
Overtime, I realized that I did belong. The people that I worked with had tremendous accomplishments and prestigious titles, but they were just people at the end of the day. You wouldn’t even know they were Wall Street hotshots if you met them on their day off. They were regular people that happened to have high paying jobs. It was almost shocking how ordinary they were when I met them. There was truly no need to be unconfident.
The same applies to relationships and love. Whether it’s someone gorgeous on the street or your personal crush, there’s no need to lose confidence within yourself. Anybody that you interact with is just another human being. Their opinions aren’t special nor are they essential. What matters in life is how you believe in yourself.
If you pursue your passions, work on your flaws, and shut out the opinions that don’t matter, your confidence will build itself. You’ll stop focusing on what others bring to the table, because the thing that’ll be truly important is what you bring.