A while ago, I was sent a copy of a book called The Grey Dance of Love by George Araman. It’s a book that teaches about romance and relationship archetypes, and it also features one of the most powerful excerpts about love I ever read. I had the pleasure of speaking with George after reading it, and he had some interesting thoughts to share:
1. Please introduce yourself to our readers.
By dancing between my heart and mind I discovered the secret meaning of love and life. I’m a personal development junkie who believes that growth is the only way forward, and proud of it! But I wasn’t always like that.. Can you believe that prior to 2011, I actually never read a book in my life? Well, except for the books that were forced to us at school and well the Harry Potter series (I only read them because I was impatient and couldn’t wait for the other movies!). My daydreaming years in school (yes, I never enjoyed school! Can you imagine that they still don’t teach the most important ‘life courses’ such as ‘how to win money’, ‘how to be in a relationship/friendship/familiship’,..) have helped me shape a very vivid imagination (well school wasn’t that bad after all, thank you!).
2. What is The Grey Dance of Love about?
The Grey Dance of Love is all about the dance between polarities, it’s the dance between masculine and feminine, the dance between positive and negative, the dance between feeling and rationalizing, and more. The Grey Dance of Love is about accepting the differences, celebrating the similarities and dancing between the two. The Grey Dance of Love is fun and light, it’s all about connecting extremes in an uncommon way. And it is a step by step guide that will take you from where you are (single, friendzoned, or in a passionless relationship) to where you want to be (a passionate relationship) from different approaches like hormones, biology and psychology.
3. What inspired you to write it?
A couple of years ago I was friend-zoned by my ex-best friend and I really wanted to find a solution, so after a week or so of ‘mourning’ and playing the victim, I went on a quest and read more than 200 books and 1200 plus articles and did an experiment to prove that my theories were right. While at first it was going to be a small project, I actually found my purpose in the process.
4. How long did it take you to write the book?
The first draft took me around 6 month with intensive research and experiments, finalizing the book with the different versions (and the on-going research) and editors took around 3 years! Not everyone goes through that length of time to write a book, but when it comes to having a lot of research this is the norm.
5. In your book, you mention several different archetypes of love partners, (Mr/Ms. Bad Sparks, Nice Mirror, Friend Amore, and Grey Dance). Which one do you think you’re closest to?
Relationships are dynamic, we always dance between one side and the other, between one archetype and the other. Once we are aware of where we are and where we want to be, it would be easier to dance and embrace The Grey Dance of Love. Prior to writing the book I was Mr. Friend Amore, as I did my research and experimented with ‘my ladies’ I became Mr. Bad Sparks, right now I consider myself Mr. Grey Dance. Of course depending on the days and what my relationship needs more, I would dance towards one or the other.
6. What do you think is the #1 thing that people struggle with in love?
Lack of Self-Love. We all have unfinished business with our parents, our environment, that we are trying to heal and we always try to do it from the outside in. We crave and seek and desire the external, the other. We expect to be loved, to be cherished, to be taken care of, to be appreciated, etc. In the end, if we learned to love ourselves from the inside, all our struggles would melt away.
7. How can people fix their lack of self-love?
By accepting ourselves for who we are, without expecting our partners or other people to ‘validate’ us, ‘compliment’ us, ‘shower us with love’, we are regaining a part of ourselves. We can do that by balancing our masculine and feminine parts from inside rather than seeking someone to help us balance our masculine and feminine parts from the outside. In the end, it’s not really about fixing but rather to discover undeveloped parts of ourselves. We all have it inside of us to be superman and wonderwoman!
8. I really liked your excerpt about never giving up during love. However are there moments when it’s appropriate for somebody/a couple to give up?
Thank you so much, it is a special one for me. For a single person looking for true love, it is important that they don’t focus on someone particular and continue the work without giving up until they find their true love. In other words, they shouldn’t give up if they focus on the right way.
For a couple it is very important for them to note that a relationship is constant work or what I call ‘homepassion’ and that if they stop the dance it will affect their relationship. If one partner ‘gives up’, it is possible for the other partner to rekindle the relationship (if it’s not too late) but it will require work.
9. What is your best piece of advice for somebody going through heartbreak?
Healing from heartbreak comes in 4 stages. The first stage we tend to suffer and everyone knows about it, it’s the time where we blame everyone and everything, we want to ‘end’ our life, it’s the drama stage where our emotions are highest and we can’t take it anymore, sometime we find it very hard to breath.
Next comes the stage where people stopped giving us attention and we internalize our pain, people try to give us some space and encourage us, but ‘they don’t understand… (the pain we are going through)’ so we just nod and keep suffering in silence. While stages one and two seem heavy, they are essential for us to process our emotions, accept our emotions and how we feel as it is an essential part of healing.
The third stage is the stage of acceptance and rationalization. In this stage, we start to analyze what worked and what didn’t and ideally even look at our patterns (of all relationships), it also helps us go out of our self-victimization and if we are ready.
The fourth stage is the stage where we completely go out of self-victimization mode, take back control of both our emotions and logic, start planning and acting on a solution.
I passed through all 4 stages; I first mourned and victimized myself, I then accepted my emotions and state of being, then I started to analyze as to what went wrong and why, I started reading and researching to find my solution, I did an in-depth experiment and then I wrote the book.
10. What type of people should buy your book?
Are you looking for ‘True Love’? Then this book is for you! Whether you are single and keep on attracting the ‘wrong’ partner, or you keep on being friend-zoned and don’t understand the opposite sex and yet still want to find ‘the one’, this book can help you. If you are in a relationship and lost the sparks or just want to rekindle some romance and intimacy, this book can help you. This book is written for both men and women to help them find and keep true love.
Well George, I agree. If you’re looking for true love, The Grey Dance of Love is definitely worth checking out.