Interview Love

What If Your Partner Made A Lot More Money Than You?

What if your partner made a lot more money than you? Would you be okay with that? Or would you feel some kind of way?

This is a relationship question that comes up all the time, and the answers to it can really vary. Me personally, I think I would be okay with it. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not exactly on a 7 or 8 digit salary career path, and it is what it is. Having a partner who would be able to contribute financially is something that I would really appreciate. Whether or not her paycheck is higher or lower seems irrelevant.

However not everyone feels this way, and truth be told, I haven’t exactly been in a mortgage paying, shared bills stuffing the mailbox sort of relationship yet. So I went out, and got some different opinions about this subject.

Male Perspectives

Male #1 – Michael C.

I wouldn’t want a partner to make more than double of what I make, or less than half of what I make. I feel like that would cause problems. People use the word “ego” to describe this issue, but it’s more complex than that. Money is a major touch stone of difficulties within relationships, and I think it centers around the desire to be equitable.

A lot of couples don’t merge their finances, and then there also comes the questions of costs. If one person makes more, should the cost be split down the middle, or some other way? It’s not necessarily a competition or anything, but a discrepancy would cause tension. The person making less, whether male or female, would wish constantly that they can provide more. It’s human nature.

There’s a threshold in money where this doesn’t really matter at some point. But I think if you’re making let’s say; 75k for example, and your partner makes 300k. You have a house, mortgage paid off, kids going to private school; wouldn’t you stop and ask yourself, “do I deserve this life?” 

Everyone is different of course, but I think many feel the need to earn their keep.

Male #2 – Robert V. 

Maybe it’s a male ego thing, but I’d prefer if my wife made the same as me, maybe a little more. But not double. That’s make me feel weird.

I’ve always just wanted to be the bread winner. That’s how I just thought of myself. It’s like a thing of having to prove myself. I think it’s because I’m so ambitious, it’s almost a thing of having to prove myself, to myself.

If I’m not doing well financially, how can I afford all my cars, and all of the other things? All I want in life is my cars and for my family to be hella comfortable. That’s really it. At the end of the day, I think in that sense my salary almost serves as a litmus test of sorts.

I think salary insecurities can sometime come from issues within ourselves (i.e wanting to prove yourself), rather than having an issue with someone else (getting jealous of your wife making more).

It’s important to check in with yourself and identify WHY you feel insecure. Is it because you don’t think you’re being the main breadwinner or is it because you just feel like you’re not contributing enough to sustain your family? Depending on your answer, you can fix that in different ways.

Female Perspectives

Female #1 – Alana B.

I wouldn’t care if my partner made more, unless they were really weird about it. I’d like to be in a marriage where we’re thought of as a team, so we respect how we each contribute to the family and like share that adventure ya know?

So salary differences wouldn’t bother me unless he put down my accomplishments or made it seem like what’s his is just his, or used salary as a sort of controlling method. Like sure I could make 70k, and he could make a lot more, but am I also taking care of the kids and the house? Then yeah he better freaking value me.

Besides I also thought that would be kind of lit, like I don’t want my kids to have nannies. I want to be super hands on so if I can still make money and do that, and have a husband making more, that’s kind of a perfect set up! His salary could go towards maintaining the house, savings, and etc, while my salary could be like play money for vacations and treating ourselves ya know?

Female #2 – Jennifer L.

I don’t think I care. Am I supposed to feel bad that my husband earns more than me? He earns his own keep and I earn mine; so he can earn as much as he wants, it doesn’t affect me.

I think people that have a problem with this have to get over it, or marry someone that’s definitely in a lower salary class. I mean what can the wife do, request for a lower pay? Hide their achievements/income from their husbands? I think you should be supportive of each other and put your ego aside.

Aside from that, there are lot of other ways to contribute to a marriage aside from money.

So there you have it. A very small sample, but certainly some interesting perspectives on the question. What are your personal thoughts? Would you be okay with your partner making a lot more money than you?

Leave a comment letting us know your thoughts below! 

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