I’ve been slacking hard as a relationship blogger these past few months, but people still come to me for advice. Pandemic or no pandemic, people need to love, and they need help doing so. Understandable.
My favorite phase of other peoples’ relationships is always the start. The beginning where the most butterflies exist, and where the nerves, doubt, and potential are at its greatest. It leads to my most frequently asked question; “Am I moving too fast?”
How fast is too fast? This is one of dating’s most rear end enticing topics, it seems everyone just has to butt in. Damn, including me I guess since I’m writing this.
Everyone Has A Rule
No sex before marriage, sex on the third date, hold hands on the second date, talk on the phone before you meet, etc.
You’ve probably heard some arbitrary dating rules like these before, everybody has. They can vary greatly by person and culture, but they’re nonetheless ever prevalent in our world. Society values conformity, especially with love. Maybe your peers will look at you as promiscuous if you overcome physical boundaries “too early”, and perhaps boring if you do the opposite.
That isn’t to say I don’t have my own opinions and “rules” as well. The reason why I’m writing this post is because I heard about a friend of a friend who managed to graduate college without ever having a single boyfriend, kiss, or even hand hold. She met a guy online, went on two dates, and they’re now talking about meeting each other’s families.
Do I think that’s too fast? Honestly yeah. I wouldn’t do the same, but who cares? It’s not my relationship.
Put Yourself First
If you’re happy in your relationship, then that’s really what matters first. No matter how involved your parents or friends may be, your relationship is your life. If it’s important to you for your mom to meet some new guy, then have her meet him. If you don’t feel okay with holding hands even though it’s been a few dates, then don’t. That’s your hand.
A lot of beginning relationship advice is given from context-less positions, and they’re often just replications of how others advanced through their own relationships. What works for somebody else won’t necessarily work for you, and nobody else will ever understand your full comforts and wants.
Putting yourself first truly means just that though, yourself first. There’s going to be a lot of pressure in the beginning to make your partner happy, and that may entail crossing boundaries that you aren’t comfortable with. There’s no set timeline for relationships that you have to follow, but make sure to follow your gut. Don’t “move fast” just because you’re able, and because your new partner wants to do so. Put yourself first, and do it when you actually mutually want to.